Megan Ernst , and her two young children were eating breakfast on , Feb. 19, 2023, when four armed seamen and two Navy SEALs knocked on the front entrance of their , Virginia Beach , house.
” If they are at your door, there is no hope”, Ernst said, shaking her head as grief trailed down her cheeks.
Michael Ernst, general specific war operator,  , died in a training accident , while performing a higher- altitude, low- opening jump in , Arizona. He was 36 and had been assigned to , Naval Special Warfare Development Group, also known as SEAL Team 6, based at Virginia Beach’s Dam Neck Annex to , Naval Air Station Oceana.
More than a year since her father’s death,  , Megan Ernst , said her emphasis is on healing her home and remembering her father for more than the standard he wore.
” First and foremost, he was a grandfather. He was my husband”, she said. ” And he was a great, kind people”.
The pair met while attending school from 2004- 08 in , Ohio. They reconnected times after at a friend’s wedding, and in , February 2013,  , Megan Ernst , found herself visiting , Hampton Roads. At the time,  , Michael Ernst , was assigned to , Virginia Beach- based SEAL Team 10.
The couple married in , December 2014 , at the temple at , Joint Expeditionary Base Little Creek. They welcomed a daughter, then 6, in 2017, and a boy, then 4, in 2020. For the bulk of his , Navy , job, the home has lived in , Virginia Beach , near his , East Coast- based tasks.
” It’s funny to think about the perception of what being married to a SEAL is like versus the reality” , , Megan Ernst , said with a laugh. ” It is not intimate in any way, shape or form. They are absent constantly. They experience a lot of stress.
Throughout their marriage,  , Michael Ernst , deployed for more than six times on three times. There were days when they went days without speaking, and she frequently was misled about where he was and when he would gain due to the nature of his work. When he was no deployed,  , Megan Ernst , estimated education pulled him away for a combined six weeks per month.
He wished his family well on February 17, 2023, with the hope that he would return house a week later to commemorate his birthday and settle into a slower-paced work routine that revolved around his family. With 13 times of marine services,  , Michael Ernst , was working toward becoming an instructor, she said.
Next … the worst.
” I was blindsided” , , Megan Ernst , said. Not in a million years did I have imagined that during that training trip, they would arrive at my door. Never”.
She claimed that after his demise, career was a blur.
” The system that is the military goes”, Ernst said. They know what to do and how to do it when this occurs, they say,” It’s so sad.”
Michael Ernst’s system, the , Navy SEAL Foundation , and the larger , Hampton Roads , defense group swooped in to try to the mother’s every want. The day after his demise, he was given a respectful move at dusk. One year later, a monument service was held at the , Little Creek , theatre, just down the road from the temple where the partners had married.
In late March, the household buried him at , Arlington National Cemetery.
” That was my worst day”, Ernst said through tears. ” It was so last. I have a picture of them holding up the flag with my son’s little girl hands in my mind as they pass it.
She said she hopes her father will be remembered as a home guy— who prioritized his loved ones above all else — and as a dedicated , Navy SEAL , who excelled in his expert activities. His achievements included a Silver Star, three Combat Action Ribbons, and the Defense Meritorious Service Medal, which was recognized in 2021 after a successful prisoner recovery.
But more than anything, she hopes he is remembered for his generosity.
” That’s what I keep telling my kids. You know why 1, 700 people showed up at his monument? She said,” It is because he was kind, not because he was a Navy SEAL.” ” It’s because he was kind and he was a fine people”.
Ernst explained to her babies, who were 5 and 2 at the time, that” Daddy went to the stars. Daddy went to heaven.
” But my son did n’t understand that that was n’t a location. It was n’t like , Florida , or , Arizona , or wherever,” Ernst said”. He did n’t understand that Daddy was not coming back.”
The home began treatments to help deal with their loss, but helping her children realize their father’s death,  , Megan Ernst , said, will be a longtime process.
” It will be longtime for me, to,” she said.
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Grief is persistent, according to the saying.
For martial families, the loss of a loved one becaused of services- related event is like living their worst problem, said , Andy McNiel, senior director for Tragedy Assistance Programs for Individuals. The federal nonprofit, also known as TAPS, has been a resource for people who have lost a defense member or senior for 30 years.
The loss of a loved one, McNiel said, is a big disruption that shakes the core of households— including their programs, rituals, responsibilities, values and beliefs. The death of a service member frequently means the family loses connection to the military community, McNiel said, is unique to military families.
He claimed that the idea of grieving is a series of minor disruptions that last a while before someone finds their footing and moves on is untrue.
” Grief is enduring and just becomes a part of their life,” McNiel said”. We continue to love those people who died, so it’s really like a transition to that relationship. It does n’t end, it just shifts to something different — one of remembrance.”
Her grief,  , Megan Ernst , said, has been intense and constant.
You are trying to function in the greatest pain of your life, but take care of these two young people and make them feel at ease when you do n’t even feel at ease, said Ernst.
However, her responsibilities as a mother to two young children have taken precedence.
” I would give myself a certain amount of time to just be on the ground,” she said”. However, you have to get up, do laundry, and go get some groceries after that.
Cheyenne Malmstrom, a fellow , Navy SEAL , spouse, stood by her friend through the past year’s darkness. They’ve grown close since 2018— experiencing pregnancy, deployments and life milestones together.
” A part of her died along with him that day,” Malmstrom said”. She keeps it well, but she lost her person that day, and no matter how long it goes, there will always be a hole there.
Malmstrom said it had to be struck a balance between keeping Ernst grieving and keeping her company when she was most in need. At times, that meant silently being there. And occasionally, it meant assisting in tasks like removing spiders or planting trees.
The Ernst family suffered another loss last June when their 9- year- old dog, Gus, died from bone cancer. Gus was Ernst’s companion while her husband was away.
Losing him was like losing one of the things she knew before Mike passed away, according to Malmstrom.
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Ten years is what I have, I thought.
The Ernsts ‘ retain their father and husband in stead. They watch video of pillow fights, family picnics in the park, and kids playing in their dad’s ruined leaves.
Each night, the kids gather at the kitchen island to play” High, low, what the heck, and what would Daddy love, “where they share details of their day. A digital photo frame on a nearby counter flashes images of the life they shared with him. Across the kitchen, his espresso machine sits on the counter of his beloved” coffee corner.”
Coffee,  , Megan Ernst , said, was never her thing. However, she currently consumes one cup per day.
Because he was meticulous about how the yard was looked after, she feels closest to her husband when she cuts the grass. Although his scent will eventually fade over time, she claimed she will never wash his clothes stored in a laundry basket in the bedroom.
” Ten years is what I got with him,” Ernst said, her voice cracking”. But that has to last me a lifetime.”
In honor of her husband’s 38th birthday, Ernst arranged a 3.6- mile community run with coffee and doughnuts in February at a local park. It was a year old the weekend she saw him, and it coincided with that day. She invited members of their military family to participate and recall him fondly.
The loss is less painful when she hears stories of people who are considering their lives as a result of her husband’s impact.
” I think my worst fear is that he’s going to be forgotten,” she said”. But I’ll never forget who he is.
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She says,” She loves them for me.”
About a week after his death, Ernst said she watched a video of her husband giving a speech in , April 2022 , at , MIT , as part of the Sloan Fellows master’s degree program.
” SEAL is what I do. It is not who I am, “he said in the video.
The 30- minute talk, which was shared with , The Virginian- Pilot, summarized his life, including why he joined the , Navy, his commitment to service and the kind of leader he strived to be. He made reference to his family support and his wife’s resilience throughout.
” I am gone for about 150 days a year. That is 150 days that Meg is a single working mom, essentially. These kids love her, and she loves them, “he said”. And even when I’m away, she loves me.
Megan Ernst , has watched the video countless times, so much so that she has memorized her husband’s closing remarks. He made a point about what to do when confronted with unreachable odds, which has stuck with her.
” You can do nothing and let it consume you, or you can start to do something, even if you do n’t know what that something is,”  , Michael Ernst , said.
It is a mantra,  , Megan Ernst , said, that she uses to get through each day.
Every day as they learn to navigate life without him, the mother tells her children,” Daddy loves you. No one can say” Daddy would love this,” as opposed to” silly jokes” being made or” silenced jokes” being made or” stick it on” being played. Do you think he is jealous?”
” Probably, because he loved ice cream,”  , Megan Ernst , said with a laugh, recalling the previous conversation with the children.
She unconsciously twirled her husband’s gold wedding band from a delicate chain around her neck as she laughed. While the trifold flag that his parents gave him rests on a mantle in the kitchen, a framed display of his accomplishments and stars was hung nearby.
” I know there are more bad days to come,” Ernst said”. However, the time that passes when I’m just crying on the floor is getting longer and longer.
Where to find support
Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors
TAPS chapters across the country offer grief support, which nonprofit senior adviser , Andy McNiel , said focuses not on healing, but on adapting to the reality that a loved one has died and the grief that loss brings. The , Virginia Beach , chapter , meets on the second Wednesday of each month. For emotional support or to connect with resources and programs, military or veteran survivors can call a 24/7 helpline at 800- 959- TAPS ( 8277 ).
For more information, visit , taps. org.
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