Audrey Hale, the , transgender , gunman who killed three adults and three children at a Christian college in Tennessee next spring, detailed her , “imaginary penis” in a previously- revealed screed.
” My manhood exists in my mind. I swear to god I’m a male” , , Hale,  , who had started to go by Aiden at the time of the shooting, wrote on one page in their diary, four hundred pages of which were obtained by the Tennessee Star.
The passage even described Hales ‘ terrible practice as a transgender man , and included , at least one gathering, referencing Hale’s desire to have sex with people.
Hale described being raised as a child as” torture”, adding they feared being “being called a levee or a , f—- t”  , during high school, the outlet reported.
Hale and her friends felt like they had discovered a solution to their dissatisfaction after learning more about transgender people in school.
” I suddenly found the answer – that changing person’s identity is possible”, Hale explained in one entrance.
Hale’s family, nevertheless, seemed opposed to the idea.
” What she believes, how she grew up, cautiously, and that LGBTQ — especially transgender — was an oddity, almost quasi- existent”, Hale wrote.
They continued,” I detest parental viewpoints, how my mother views me as a child, and she would not want to lose that child because having a child would mean Audrey’s passing.”
They continued to write about wishing they had access to puberty blockers and expressed their disappointment at their kids ‘ refusal to support their move.
” I’d remove to have those resources, 2007 was the beginning of puberty blockers and a new discovery for care of non- conforming trans children”, Hale lamented. ” I was in the 6th grade, puberty already hit me”.
” I should not be in this body”! another entry read. ” Nothing on earth can save me… never ending pain. Religion wo n’t save”.
” If God wo n’t give me a boy body in heaven, then Jesus is a f****t”, the rant continued.
Hale went into great detail about how they acted out their fantasies about having sex with men using stuffed animals on another page.
” I can pretend to be them ]and ] do the things boys do ]and ] experience my boy self as Tony”, they wrote, referring to a” stuffed boy doll” that “is like the boy I am in another form”.
Hale once referred to losing track of time and skipping a gym session because she became so enthralled in her fantasies.
” God, I am such a pervert”. Hale wrote. ” I waste too much time in my fantasies”.
Hale, 28, wrote the self- hating entry just 16 days before March 27, 2023, when they , shot through the front doors of the Convent School , and killed three 9- year- olds and three adults.
Authorities discovered evidence that Hale had grown increasingly depressed and even planned to target the school a month prior to the tragedy.
In an entry dated Feb. 28, 2023, Hale wrote,” Convent was closed yesterday. I guess it was ]because ] of the weather”.
Their reports from the weeks leading up to the shooting also revealed a growing sense of conflict over gun ownership and LGBTQ+ issues.
” So now in America, it makes one a criminal to have a gun or, be transgender, or non- binary. God I hate those sh–head politicians”, Hale wrote on Feb. 20.
” So now]because ] of you, I wish death on myself cause of the pure hatred of my female gender”, they added, stipulating that” with no rights, anyone’s country is a s***** dictatorship”.
In the years before the shooting, Hale ––who attended art school – had been prescribed multiple medications, including the antidepressant Lexapro and the anti- anxiety drug Buspirone, a search warrant revealed.  ,
According to the warrant, they also had intentions to kill their father and shoot a school.
According to Brian Wilson, a host of 99.7 WTN radio, Hale reportedly used money from a federal Pell Grant to purchase weapons.
Hale mentioned” Death Day” in her final entry, which was dated the day of the shooting and acknowledged her nervousness and excitement over the looming rampage.
” The day has finally come. I ca n’t believe it’s here. Do n’t know how I was able to get this far, but here I am”, they wrote.
” There were several times I could have been caught, especially back in the summer of 2021″, they added.
A few hours later, Metropolitan Nashville Police Department officers shot them down in a hail of bullets, ending Hale’s brief reign of terror.
Metropolitan Nashville Police Department officers shot at Hale as they shot out of a window at the school, leading to a barrage of bullets.
In the year since the shooting, the families of the victims have  , pleaded with the courts not to release Hale’s trove of writings, which included a suicide note and at least 20 journals.
” I will not allow the publication of these shooter’s writings in any way. This mass murderer does n’t get to speak from the grave”, Erin Kinney, whose 9- year- old son William was killed in the shooting, wrote last month.
