Florida Man Friday: Is That a Pizza in Your Pocket or Are You Just Happy to Fleece Me?

How about opening Florida Man Friday for everyone this year? Normally reserved for our VIP supporters, but everyone needs a little extra joy after the Democratic National Convention’s four times.

Let us start as we always do with…

The Most Florida ( Wo ) Man Story Ever ( This Week )

Florida person who hid cocaine in a duffel bag was detained for a family vacation

I’m not sure what kind of a “family” journey requires three-quarters of an iota of cannabis, 14 tabs of joy, and almost four magnificent in cash— although I’ve got to admit I am interested.

Regardless, Florida Woman did the wise point and had her companion drive them to the dock while smoking marijuana, having expired keywords on the car, and having pages of X hidden there in her system. The story did n’t specify for which we can all be grateful. &nbsp,

The cops pulled her over for the keywords, smelled the plant, and finally found her several stashes. &nbsp,

She and her family may be enjoying the grooviest family cruise possibly, if they had just sprung for an Uber.

As always, a place is given in each group, unless I specifically request otherwise. &nbsp,

SCORE: Drugs/Alcohol, Getting Caught Stupidly, Cruise Ship ( New! And why did it take so long? ), Private Bliss, You Hid It WHERE?

Overall: 5 FMF Points.

P. S. Before we get to the rest of FMF… if you’d like to visit Florida Man again next week, choose meet us with your Club or VIP Gold account. With our 60 % off FIGHT advertising, that’s just a couple bucks a month for Florida Man Friday, special podcasts, and videos live chats with your beloved Pajama and Townhall artists. We’d love to have you on table.

GriftHub

Florida man accused of posing as a pizza in a bid to mislead visitors

But Roman’s Pizzeria’s operator in Miami began receiving customer complaints that he had never delivered pizzas to. He told a local media station that the so-called sandwiches they’d gotten were generally “bad, uncooked, often… in a container with a piece of natural dough”.

Do n’t tell me there’s no such thing as a bad pizza.

Some other man, never named Roman, was taking travelers ‘ money, delivering fake pie, and handing out flyers for his false Roman’s Pizza.

He was arrested and indicted for a lot of things. Turns out, it was n’t very difficult for police to find someone who had written his own phone number on flyers.

But here’s the best element:

Roman even apparently did not ask for sympathies or a long prison sentence for Marti-Alvarez, and told CBS News,” I would like him to not use my restaurant’s name and if he uses his right name, then do the proper food”.

Next day I’m in Miami, I’m ordering a pie from the true Roman.

Enter Question: Should I label my ‘ 90s alt-rock restoration group Fraudulent Pizza?

SCORE: Violence of the Century, King of Disguise, Getting Caught Absurdly, plus a reward point for Sheer Awesomeness to Roman for only wanting people to make good pie.

RUNNING TOTAL: 9 FMF Points. &nbsp,

Specifically for our Guests: Vehicles Are Losing HOW MUCH Resale Value?? ?

Hard to Chew

Florida Man attempts to conceal bags of marijuana in his teeth, but he perishes.

I like to stay things light and airy on Florida Man Friday, so I make an effort not to include stories where someone passes away.

But… c’mon:

Florida Man became unresponsive Wednesday, Aug. 21, as he and four people were being held outside a suspected drug residence in DeLand, according to the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office.

Authorities were there to do a seek warrant as part of a substance investigation, the department said in a media release.

During the search, Florida Man would n’t respond to detectives ‘ questions, sparking their suspicions that he was trying to hide or swallow drugs, deputies said. Police asked him to open his mouth several days, but he refused.

According to officials, he refused to vomit out what was in his mouth, prompting the dispatch of doctors. He fell incapacitated shortly thereafter.

Plus:” Fire officers began life-saving actions and recovered three foam baggies from Florida Man’s mouth/throat, two of which contained suspected heroin/fentanyl and break cocaine”.

There should be a discussion about better treatment for addicts at another time, but Florida Man could n’t possibly have just taken the L and lived.

Sigh.

SCORE: Instant Karma, Drugs/Alcohol, Really Own Taken the L.

RUNNING Complete: 12 FMF Details

Bonus Florida Headline: &nbsp, Florida Man attack daughter with spaghetti sauce, hide in shrubs from officers

Breaking &amp, Entering &amp, Stealing &amp, Cursing &amp, Recording

Florida Woman Films Herself Breaking Into Floyd Mayweather’s Miami Home, Sitting In His Comfort Cars And Backyard, And Taking His House

You know what I hate?

You know how often you take up to Floyd Mayweather’s position and you’re all like” Floyd, we got’ lay in all your sh*t, n***a. This my sh*t, n***a. We gon’ taking your sh*t, n***a. Feel me? Yeah, I definitely did. Right now, I’m able to get your sh*t. I’m inside your sh*t, mate. Yeah. For true, no watching, b*tch” because he has all this great thing and all you’ve got is this stupid Instagram so you go to the entrance and you’re all like” I’m at your front door, n***a. No watching, b*tch. Leaving your windows opened, n***a. So, you know I can get in, n***a” and just to show it you get the fancy floor mats out of his vehicle and then you’re hanging out in his rattan but then you just get kinda tired even after you were all like” N***a, I’ll come in your motherf***ing mums home, n***a. How about that? Tell your security that “you’re going to wander backward, but at least you got that cool umbrella that came with his Rolls,” n***a. &nbsp,

Do n’t you hate that, too?

( All the quotes were lifted directly from the transcript of Florida Woman’s Instagram. )

SCORE: Went Viral, Caught on Video, WTF Were You Even THINKING?

RUNNING TOTAL: 15 FMF Points. &nbsp,

Not All Heroes Wear Capes — Some Ride Harleys

Delray Beach man raises over$ 90K for local nonprofits

Ride on:

For this week’s ‘ Hometown Hero,’ we are checking back in with the Delray Beach man who took an 18-day, 7, 000-mile cross-country journey on his Harley Davidson benefiting more than a dozen Delray Beach nonprofits.

Chuck Halberg and his two riding partners, as well as the well-known children’s book character” Flat Stanley,” were on CBS12 News before he left on July 4th.

Their charitable ride raised more than$ 92, 000 for 15 organizations– supporting kids, animals, and local law enforcement.

This year’s trip included stops in Alabama, Colorado, Utah, Wyoming, North Carolina and more.

Those internet-transmissible onion fumes really started to start pouring in when the story got to the point where it was about helping out the police K-9 unit dogs.

Because it’s my column and I can do that, I’m giving Halberg the usual three points for Sheer Awesomeness, plus I’m also giving the dogs one more.

RUNNING TOTAL: 19 FMF Points.

Previously on Florida Man Friday: That Was a Bloody Good Livestream

Florida Man: What Did He Do This Week?

Florida Woman really saved the week with that Mayweather break-in, but five scored stories totaled 19 points for an additional midding average of 3.8.

Meanwhile, in Georgia…

At the Georgia farmers market, more than 2,300 pounds of meth were discovered hidden in celery.

I get it. There are n’t many options left, so smugglers must find new ways to smuggle. So, celery — why not?

That leaves one location-related question, though. &nbsp,

Who goes to a farmers ‘ market to buy meth wholesale?

A tale like that can only mean one thing: Florida Man has one week to reclaim his crown of glory just in time for the next exciting episode of…

Florida Man Friday

P. S. Do n’t miss today’s Five O’Clock Somewhere VIP Gold Live Chat with Stephen Kruiser and Yours Truly at 3 p. m. Eastern. Join us for the post-DNC day drinking, wo n’t you?

Source credit