If Washington is Hollywood for dirty individuals— or at least average-looking individuals with poor hairstyles — Jill Biden is Washington’s Meghan Markle.
Cinderella adapts to all the great things that come with her tower and makes the prince laugh out loud on the planet stage so she can keep a good cause going.
Like Montecito’s most questionable jam merchant, after a failed first marriage, Alice Jacobs bagged a man who was well on his approach to a life of power and influence. When she got there, she ate up the newspaper covers, the showy trips, and the reporters appearances. Folks want first ladies and princesses to look attractive, love babies, and live their taxpayer-funded lives as long as they don’t seem to enjoy it too much, she said, beginning her career with general benevolence from most of her royal subjects.
But like Meghan, Jill did appreciate it too much, so much that she was ready to destroy her partner and whatever “legacy” he had to keep up the ball. And by the day of her pension, all she has to present for it is a sub-50 approval rating and a great beach house.
Who knows how long Alice longed for the White House before discovering it. She went out of her manner to appear as though she didn’t like it, as people who seriously want it frequently do. According to an anecdote in her narrative, she was so opposed to her husband’s bid for president again in 2003 that she intervened at a strategy gathering wearing a bra in rally.
But by the day she had tasted of the Air Force One rides, the photographers following her around, the elegant clothes, the foreign trips, the star meet-and-greets, and of course, the Vogue include shoots, Doctor Jill wasn’t about to give it all up early just because of some sludge buildup in her husband’s brain.
In May 2023, Politico reported that Jill’s “gentle encouragement of her husband’s reelection run comes as she’s relishing her role,  , hanging out at the Super Bowl , and , the women’s Final Four, and actively posting on social media” — which is more or less Washington journalist speak for” Jill is having too much fun and her husband knows he better keep the gig or else”.
Months before, NBC News reported that” Whenever his aides are pressed about President Joe Biden’s political future, they’ll often point to]Jill ] as the true decider”.
Despite her husband’s frequent and alarming displays of dementia symptoms, Jill publicly praised and persuaded him to continue the show.
” Joe, you did such a great job, you answered every question, you knew all the facts”, teacher Jill gushed on live television after Biden’s career-ending debate in June, speaking to the president of the United States as if he was a special ed student.
Just two months prior to the debate, Jill had sat down for a photo shoot and interview with Vogue in order to create a stunning magazine cover that hadn’t yet been released. The whole interview centered around Jill’s role in her husband’s campaign. How awkward for her if, by the time the article came out, there was no campaign!
Four days after the debate, four days after the Vogue cover story was published online, CNN reported that Biden family members, including Hunter and Jill, who were threatened with legal retribution for their crimes once their father’s death, convened a family meeting to demand Dementia Joe stay in the race for a further four years, and suggested firing aides who presumably disagreed.
To leave the White House would mean no more lavish presents from world leaders, such as the 7-carat diamond Jill received from India’s prime minister. No more Marine Band members are willing to write and perform Jill Biden’s own personal walkout music, as they were reportedly instructed to do in 2021. There are no longer 28 fireplaces in the White House where all the Biden grandchildren can hang Christmas stockings, aside from the one they pretend to have. And it would mean she couldn’t hold Cabinet meetings like the one Biden handed to her in September.
Alas for Jill, her efforts didn’t work. In two weeks, she’ll have to give it all up. Like her California counterpart, she’ll transition to a life of lavish exile. She might start her own line of gourmet foods, which I’ve heard she has a thing for breakfast tacos.
But for the love of Pete, please nobody give her a Netflix special.
Elle Purnell is the elections editor at The Federalist. Her work has been featured by Fox Business, RealClearPolitics, the Tampa Bay Times, and the Independent Women’s Forum. She received a B. A. in government from Patrick Henry College, with a journalism minor. Follow her on Twitter @_ellepurnell.
