Elon Musk’s relationship with his father is many things, but “healthy” isn’t one of ‘em. And Elon’s own relationship with his 14 children is highly atypical, teetering between love-bombing and abandonment. You don’t need to be Freud to recognize generational patterns of troubling behavior when you see it.
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He might sound like a cyborg, but Musk is flesh and blood. And he still bears the scars of his ugly, brutal upbringing:
“I tried threats, rewards, and arguments to change my father for the better,” Musk told biographer Walter Isaacson. “No way, it just got worse.”
How much worse? Really bad and extremely dark:
“Almost every crime you can possibly think of, [my father] has done,” Musk told Rolling Stone in 2017 — reportedly while crying — of his father, a South African wheeler-dealer who has several children with his own stepdaughter. “Almost every evil thing you could possibly think of, he has done.”
Musk calls his father a ‘volatile fabulist’ who had a Jekyll and Hyde personality. As Musk puts it, ‘It was mental torture. He sure knew how to make anything terrible.’
This isn’t my theory; Ayn Rand hinted at it in one of her books. But it goes like this: You learn more about someone by spending 5 minutes with their spouse than you’d know after 10+ years of being their friend (or neighbor, coworker, yada yada). That’s because, when you meet someone’s spouse, you’re face-to-face with their real values. Everything else is just bull[Expletive] — the window dressing we show the public.
When you meet someone’s spouse, you meet the real person: What they truly value — and what they truly don’t. Some people value beauty. Others value brains and loyalty. Sometimes, when you meet their spouse, you realize that the person doesn’t actually value himself/herself (which is so sad and tragic… but surprisingly common).
The mask slips off: When you meet their spouse, you meet their truth.
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The same holds true for the father figures we choose to admire: You show me your heroes, and I’ll show you your values.
Elon Musk has an ego — and deservedly so. (Hey, if you were the world’s richest man, the father of the electric car industry, and the godfather of an upcoming Martian landing, you’d have a frickin’ ego, too.) I mean, I have an ego — and I’ve accomplished a tiny, miniscule smidgen of what Musk has done! If I had Musk’s resume, I’d be an insufferable a-hole (even more so).
And so would you.
So, for a man like Musk, who is “worthy” of being his father figure?
Only one name: Donald J. Trump.
Don’t dismiss this as psychobabble. Game theory is entirely based on rational men making rational choices. It’s the tool we use to determine what happens next. But it doesn’t work unless — and until — you know what motivates our strategic interactions. You can’t anticipate the future without it.
It gets tricky, because rational men are always motivated by irrational things.
Like love, acceptance, and a sense of tribal inclusion. Or to solve large, grandiose problems. Or to win social approval. Or to prove to the world (and/or your father) that you’re deserving of love.
I mentioned love twice. That was intentional: No other emotion guides social interactions more significantly. The love we have for ourselves, our “family,” and our social mission is transformative. Love is the prologue that defines everything else.
I love @realDonaldTrump as much as a straight man can love another man
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) February 7, 2025
About 3 million people work for the federal government. Clearly, the Musk-Trump relationship is different from all others. It’s less transactional and more personal. You might even call it… familial:
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As a businessman, Trump certainly understands the power of personal relationships. It’s one of the secrets to his vast success — and not only in politics. Even MAGA-bashing billionaires like Robert Kraft have noted (and appreciated) Trump’s unexpected kindness during times of tragedy.
When Trump left office in 2021, the Trump Train and the Musk Mission were on separate journeys. But during the Biden years, a strange phenomenon began: Trump’s enemies became Musk’s enemies. From the gender debate to the “woke mind virus” to free speech, an emboldened left widened its circular firing squad until Musk was surrounded.
Soon, Donald Trump had Elon Musk’s back — and vice versa. Before long, Musk was spending $200 million to help Trump. They attended rallies together. Musk traveled with Trump to UFC fights. He moved to Mar-a-Lago. And he agreed to spearhead DOGE, even though it tanked his portfolio by a whopping $100 billion.
In return, Elon Musk has achieved something special: Honorary uncle status in the Trump family!
Elon achieving uncle status 😂 pic.twitter.com/vufSffziZN
— Kai Trump (@kaitrump) November 10, 2024
By his own admission, Elon Musk is on the autism spectrum. The way he “emotionally bonds” with friends, colleagues, and family isn’t going to be the same as everyone else. Yes, he’s a genius… but he’s an emotionally immature, socially awkward genius. The wiring of his brain is different.
And that’s both good and bad.
The good thing is, when someone is motivated by something stronger than political convenience (i.e. love), they’ll stay loyal longer. They’ll pay any price. There’s no sacrifice they won’t make — as long as their love and loyalty are honored.
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But the bad thing is, when the rubberband finally snaps, it’s gone for good. Few heartaches of this Earth can rival the deep despair of discovering that our heroes aren’t heroic. When this happens, love turns into hate ASAP.
Speculating on when/if/how the Musk-Trump relationship will end is quickly becoming a D.C. pastime. Hopefully, it remains strong and durable, with both parties recognizing how much they still have to gain — and how much they still have to lose. In all probability, the nastiness of the left and the viciousness of their attacks will keep Musk and Trump unified. Nothing like a common enemy and a common cause to keep the troops together.
But when it comes to the heart, you’re playing with fire.
Right now, Elon Musk is motivated by something far greater than money. And that’s a beautiful, wonderful, heartwarming thing… right until it isn’t.
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