It’s been a long time since I took the “Love Language Quiz,” but any time I’ve taken it in the past, the results revealed that my primary love language is words of affirmation. Compliments, especially heartfelt ones, can lift my spirits long after people give them to me.
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Dr. Chris Harper of Betterman agrees:
This past weekend, I received one of the best affirmations I have ever received. A brother in Christ told me that every day, he shows up and fights the good fight. And he was in the fight because he saw I was in the fight. The fact that I was fighting the good fight encouraged him to stay in the fight—he said, “I fight because I see you fighting, so keep fighting…”
His words encouraged me. They honored me. They spurred me on. They gave me life. Words like his help me stay in the fight. Like Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
The Bible calls believers to encourage others. The author of Hebrews wrote, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (Hebrews 3:13, NIV).
Later, he wrote, “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:23-25, ESV).
The Apostle Paul exhorted the church at Thessalonica, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11, ESV), and three verses later he wrote, “And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all” (1 Thessalonians 5:14, ESV).
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Related: Sunday Thoughts: The Fine Art of Friendship
We also see examples of encouragement in God’s Word. The Lord told Joshua, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9, ESV).
Paul reminded the church in Rome, “For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 15:4-6, ESV).
Jesus gave encouragement multiple times:
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30 (ESV)
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.
John 10:10-11 (ESV)
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
John 16:33 (ESV)
And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
Matthew 28:18-20 (ESV)
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Furthermore, the Bible tells us about the power that our words have to build others up or tear them down. Proverbs 18:21a (ESV) reminds us that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue,” while Proverbs 13:3 (ESV) states, “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”
Paul told the Ephesian church, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29, ESV). He also told the Colossian church, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Colossians 4:6, ESV).
The Apostle James, Jesus’ brother, was more blunt:
So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.
James 3:5-10 (ESV)
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“The average man filters at least 30 negative comments daily, many aimed at him,” Harper writes. “I am convinced that most men don’t need therapy; they simply need encouragement. They need the affirmation to outweigh the adversity. They need the applause to be louder than the nagging.” I’m sure this applies to women, too.
People around us need encouragement, so we should seek to build them up. Whom can you encourage today?
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