( The Pinsker Family plays When Hurricanes Knock the Power Off and There’s Time to Kill ) is bringing this column to you. Enjoy! )
Here’s the fictional: Think you could change bodies with everyone alive today. ( Do n’t ask me how this would work, just roll with the premise. ) No regional, age or gender restrictions. Anyone in the world has the ability to switch body. They must now be alive, according to the just rule. ( So, no, you ca n’t swap lives with Hugh Hefner. Or Caligula. )
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Who you gonna get?
Unfortunately, it’s a question of interests: What do you want to achieve? If it’s something social, you may choose one way, if it’s visual or creative, you’d likely choose another.  ,
That’s always been the inherent paradox of” Do unto some”: You are not your sister’s pedestal. What makes them happy may become significantly different from what makes you smile. One size does not meet all,
But there are general commonalities.
I would n’t change bodies with Donald Trump, Elon Musk or Tom Brady. They’re very old. It might be fun to quantum leap into The Donald for 2024 through 2028 (election results depending ), but it probably would n’t be too much fun in 2034. Father Time is undefeated, and Trump’s lifestyle is n’t exactly conducive for longevity. ( The fact that he’s still so vibrant and energetic is a tribute to genetics, not healthy living. ) But at best, Trump’s figure would be of short-term power. I’d just consider it as a loaner.
JD Vance, on the other hand? Hmm… At least I’d find a rocking ‘ hair. ( Plus all the benefits of being half Trump’s age. )
Musk is younger, but he’s already in his mid-50s. He’s obviously having a fire with his wealth, power, and control, but if you swap bodies with Musk, you likely only have about 30 decades left. ( Besides, Mark Zuckerberg is looking to kick your ass — and getting whooped by Zuck would be soooo embarrassing. )
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Speaking of Zuck, he’d be a tempting target for quantum leaping: He’s younger ( only 40 ) and insanely wealthy, too. But he’s also little. ( Unless he’s standing on his wallet, he’s practically a Keebler Elf. ) My two teenage boys are already taller than me, and they’ve started putting my potato chips on the back shelf so I ca n’t see them. ( Grr. ) No means am I gonna lose 4+ ins to become Zuck-sized.
Just as a goof, it’d be crazy to switch bodies with AOC: Imagine coming out for a great speech before AOC’s basic audience of democratic wackaloons, brain-dead Zoomers, overaged hippies, and poor Antifa goons… and in the middle of the speech, sliding on a beautiful red MAGA hat. Get kind excitement! But I do n’t think I’d want to leap into a woman’s body — especially a petite woman’s body. No offence, but I wanna be able to start my own jar bottles.  ,
So I think I’ll drive this” Patriarchy” out juuust a little longer, thank you very much.
When you stop and think about it, there are n’t a ton of great options. The majority of our larger-than-life giants have already achieved their goals and are now living on the back nine. Men like Joe Montana, Troy Aikman, Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield, Stephen Spielberg, Leonardo DiCaprio, Rupert Murdoch, George Lucas, Tiger Woods, Clint Eastwood, Michael Jordan, accessories. all have remarkable resumés, but the best thing is already in the rearview mirror.  ,
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I mean, being” Like Mike” in the late 1980s or early 1990s meant you were the most dominant basketball player of all time ( and one helluva pitchman ). But now in 2024? Do you really wanna get a 61-year-old ex-athlete?
Did n’t think so.
So, the people I’d get is Baron Trump. He’s fresh, good-looking, rich — and since he’s taller than my kids, I’d get my freakin’ potato chips again. ( That’s important to me. ) The world is 100 % his oysters. If Baron wants, he may lead an empty, insipid life bedding celebrities on mega-yachts, taking a page from the DiCaprio handbook. ( Which … let’s be honest, would n’t be totally awful. ) Or — with his title, rank, and system — become a powerful, millennial push for cultural change for the next 60 to 70 years. It’s completely his for the taking.
Or, if you classical leaped into his system, it could be theirs.
But who you gonna get?