On Christmas Eve, our intrepid commander-in-chief ( who’s still” sharp as a tack” ) signed 50 bills into law. Although President Biden enjoys eating ice cream and getting a lot of rest, he’s not precisely referred to as a workaholic. Therefore, for him to be working on Christmas Eve, those 50 costs must’ve been essential to our national attention.
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One of the payments was championed by celebrity, “actress”, and Kardashian 1.0, Ms. Paris Hilton. It concerns teenagers who reside in private treatment facilities. ( I have no opinion on the merits of the bill; it just makes me think about which famous people are listening to politicians. ) Another act establishes a hazing ban on university campuses. That’s probably a good thing: Obviously, hazing gullible freshmen is wrong, and should never be allowed ( except when it’s really funny ).
However, it’s unclear why these problems were so crucial that the White House was forced to push them in before Christmas Day. On December 25th, there is probably not much hazing on university campuses. But hey, the sausage-making method is not pretty, and at least all these new rules and regulations may help people. ( Allegedly. )
However, one of the legislation’s passage that designated the bald eagle as the country’s standard bird did little to help the human race. You see, until yesterday, our country struggled and stumbled, frantically searching for a reason to continue: We had no national birds.
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It was dreadful.
Other countries laughed at us ( probably ). And the bad bald eagle was forced to stand outside the silk cables, hanging out with the falcons, birds, birds, birds, crows… and all the rest of the fool animals.
Eventually, this horrible, inconceivable tragedy has been rectified. Merry Christmas, America!  , Joe Biden is looking out for you!
But maybe this was a missed opportunity for pro-life Democrats. Sometimes this bird-bill would’ve been a great option for some Matt Walsh-style teasing:
This make the human infant our national birds!
Okay, I know what you’re thinking:” Scott, YOU are the bird-brained one. A newborn is not a parrot”!
Ah, but are you positive?
After all, democrats are constantly telling us that a newborn isn’t a man. ( If it is a man, then it has individual right— including the right to existence. ) Therefore, if a newborn isn’t a human, sometimes it’s a bird.
And besides, nobody yet knows what a person is. ( Maybe a woman’s a bird, too. )
The upside of naming the fetus our new nationwide bird is that FINALLY the infant would be afforded a semblance of respect, safety, and safety:” Sorry, we can’t abort your seven-month-old infant ,ma’am. Our country’s animal is not protected by federal laws.
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What benefit does the bald eagle have in the end of the day? Sure, it looks pretty cool on our cash, but the United States Treasury had easily convert the bald eagle picture to one of a newborn. ( Course, it would be a little spooky at the strip club, handing the “exotic dancer” a bill with a fetus on it. Would kill the mood pretty quickly, I’d imagine. )
So I’m asking you to support a nationwide effort to convert the national parrot to a human infant this Christmas Day. And truly, isn’t Christmas the great day?
Sometimes it’s worthwhile to indicate on all the other children we’ve lost along the way on the day we celebrate the birth of one particular girl.
