This year, I was within a hair’s breadth of having to install a staircase and series lights on the front of the home. We needed a new branch, and while shopping for one, Mrs. Brown found two small branches about three feet high, adorned with white lighting. They serve as a recognized and beautiful alternative to a renowned broadside that can be seen for miles on either side of our front entrance. I experimented with the idea of installing continuous lights. You are aware of the kind of color that can be altered to fit the period, which I’m talking about. But, every house I have seen with those finishes up looking like a cheap, off-strip Vegas casino. That is not a search we want to maintain. If you have those lamps, my sympathies if you are offended. Finally, they look better than the ones around my community. I keep asking to be directed to the metal games and the meal when I knock on the door.
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That being said, every Christmas at my property, we have the conversation about multi-colored lighting versus all-white. For some reason, girls always seem to prefer bright lights. Mrs. Brown is no exception. Since our first Christmas up, I have fought fervently for multi-colored signals and have always won. Last month, I suggested that multi-colored lamps had better represent our commitment to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion in Christmas decoration. How nicely that went, I’ll leave that to your mind. Okay, so it was a poor discussion. If you’re serious, I lost the argument again this year.
As usual for the time, numerous studies have been reported online about people who overcharge their homes to decorate their homes for the holidays. Some people have been contacted by the authorities because of the noise, crowds, and large wattage used to create Christmas displays, according to some reports. I tend to empathise with the artists. You see, I was that man one month.  ,
Conversations about aesthetics besides, Mrs. Brown has always been a fan of outdoor Christmas lights. I, on the other hand, have always been a fan of no falling off ramps in freezing temperature. But, on our next Christmas together as husband and wife, I found a remedy. After work, I went to the neighborhood watering hole where I found chicken wings and draft beer. This was also my company’s office. The only river guideline on the Utah Green River was no longer employed because no one wanted to fly down there in December. He came up with the idea to start his own exterior Christmas lights company. He was an charming, wanna-be hippie, and I liked the person and respected his enterprising heart. I told him I didn’t have an expandable Santa or snow. I gave him$ 100 and instructed him to use what he had.
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Also, gentle audience, either I got the friends and family cheap,  , or$ 100 bought a terrible much more Christmas lighting in 2009 than it does in 2024.  , I could see the warmth from two blocks away. I had no idea what was generating all that mild until I turned to my wall. I assumed it to be a collision image. Every angle, every joint collection in the roofing, and every window was lined with beautiful, bright Christmas lights. They framed the car door, the entire roof, and there was even a ten-foot sun on the car roofing. Because the home had never been illuminated this way before, even in broad daylight, I discovered areas of my house that I didn’t even know existed. That time, we had a Christmas celebration. Individuals asked,” Which property is it”? I said,” The one with all the Christmas lamps”. The comment was often,” Thousands of homes have Christmas lights”. I said fairly abashedly,” No, you’ll realize it when you see it”. The local police department has issued an ad urging drivers to use UV-rated vision safety when driving down our streets. Single-engine aircraft kept strafing our home, posing as the airport’s last technique. A skilled helicopter flew over our front yard, where they were expecting to find the stress center. We got a cease-and-desist attempt from NASA, and while I can’t be sure, there may have been one or two Roswell-type situations in our rear area.  ,
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Worst of all, my companions hated me. Why? I wiped out every Christmas display on my block by putting down a meager$ 100 to spread a little holiday cheer because I wanted to spend a meager$ 100 on it. No matter how inventive, beautiful, and musical my neighbors were at lighting their homes, the bombardment of light from Stately Brown Manor washed away their best efforts. I was the wall blight. No one had a happy Christmas that time, and it was all my problem. It took a lot of cases of beer to get everything back on track the following summer, which is encouraging given that we lived in a community dominated by Mormons.  ,
All this is to suggest that if you have someone with a bigger-than-life Christmas show on your wall, give them a little kindness. They’re merely attempting to bring a much joy to the world. Besides, if you play your cards right, you may even find a case of liquor.